I received a letter in the mail. In our online, internet world actual letters are few and far between. I thought it strange that my daughter’s new mother-in-law should write to me or send me any mail. She is a delightful woman and I am confident she will be a grand mother-in-law to my daughter. But why write to me? I opened the envelope and out fell a short note not from my daughter’s mother-in-law but from my daughter. Every time I see her first name with her new last name I have momentary confusion. I guess I am still adjusting.
It has been a month since the wedding. The rehearsal, ceremony and reception were all wonderful. It flowed smoothly minus difficulties. I loved each part of it. Tasks were well delegated and everyone’s assistance was greatly appreciated. My daughter was not a bridezilla. My tears flowed as I watched my husband practice walking our daughter up the aisle during the rehearsal. During the ceremony the bride and groom each had their moment of tears, too.
The day after the wedding there were still some non-wedding family celebrations to enjoy. But then it felt like December 26th. All the planning and excitement had come to fruition, but it was over and done. I was a little sad that it was all over. The season of wedding preparation had ended.
Even clean-up was quick and easy. Within a week everything borrowed had been returned and a few items returned for refunds. All the bills were paid and a couple of deposits were returned to us.
Life is filled with seasons and new norms. We adjust or we don’t. Not adjusting is emotionally unhealthy. So let us adjust. Changes happen all the time. Long ago I adjusted to being a married person. It was an easy adjustment. Then the children came and one by one we adjusted. Of course there was a time when I wondered if I would ever stop changing diapers. That season lasted for 9 years and then after an 8 year hiatus it returned briefly when our bonus child arrived. I clearly recall times when it seemed sickness was in the house for months at a time. One child would get a virus and it would be shared with all the family. Sometimes it went around twice. But even that was a season.
We endured and loved the season of having teenagers. It was fun and exciting and always changing. It was also excessively busy. Then each following the other they prepared to go away to college, and away they went. They went on to their own adult adventures and lives. We adjusted.
When one has little children and may feel they are drowning or barely surviving the demands of parenting the season may seem interminably long. Just as a crawler becomes a walker and then quickly a runner and climber so the seasons quickly pass. Our children grow and change and mature and that is what we desire and needs to happen. So we too must change and adjust. My secret to adjusting is the following:
- Always be thankful for the present and don’t wish it way hoping for an easier or better future.
- Be thankful for the past. Allow yourself to reflect on it. Record it in a baby book, journal or a scrapbook. If the past includes sad emotions, allow yourself to be sad for a while, but don’t’ stay there. We can’t change the past but often time does change our perspective or understanding of it.
- Be thankful for the future and new adventures.
- Don’t begrudge changes but acknowledge that when changes happen they may include a loss of something or someone previously important.
I have hundreds of photos from two showers, the rehearsal, wedding and reception waiting for me to put them in a scrapbook. I don’t have to release all the wedding joy just yet.